i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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