We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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