just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize