it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize