Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
