If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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