What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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