He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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