I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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