if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I CAN MOONWALK!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize