i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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