it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
