i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
