i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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