If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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