Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
