it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
