my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
