im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
