Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
