Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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