You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
