if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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