I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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