mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
