Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Even the bartender felt bad for me
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
