I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize