She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
