i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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