hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
