Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
