Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
