Umm I'm too high to move.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize