i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
