Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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