i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize