I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
where does the pee come out of this thing
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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