We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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