I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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