Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
