i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize