70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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