dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
