Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
