My Higher Power is John Stamos
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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