the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
