I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
