I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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