His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
porn star boner night. come get it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
