i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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