Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
