I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
