Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
