listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
