I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
