I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
