Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
