:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
