I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
