Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
