would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
