I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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