the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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