just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
