the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
In other news, I just burned my penis
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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