I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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