He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize