The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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