apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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