i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
