She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
In other news, I just burned my penis
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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