how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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