so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
