it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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