I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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