Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
