Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
