i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
