Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
