Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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