I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
