never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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