i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Can I color on your dick again?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize