thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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