I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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