No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
