They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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