Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
