so explain again why im purple
no
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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