I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
