Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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