i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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