so explain again why im purple
no
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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