all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
