Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
