Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Come share oat with me in your robe
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
