found the other keg... it's in the tree
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
