If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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