I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
That accounts for only three of the penises
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
