My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
