I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
