69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
