Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize