Where are you?
In a non slutty way
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
