so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
