I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
